Just Flow

Tuesday, 13 January 2015

Has anyone ever told you to just go with the flow?
Whenever I hear that I think, Seriously?  I'm a girl.  How is that even possible?!

Picture a turtle on Niagara Falls.  That's me "going with the flow".  And maybe I'm totally off the mark on this one but I think a lot of girls can relate to this.  Overanalyzing; worrying; criticizing; gossiping; all of these are part of a groove that I often find myself stuck in and they make it really difficult to mellow out.  Which is why I think of myself as a turtle, with a rock hard shell, so that I have somewhere to hide with only my ridiculously unrealistic thought process until the craziness around me dies down.  Maybe mellow is too mellow of a word.  I don't necessarily wish I was mellow - I like who I am am respect my type-A personality - but it'd be nice to just coast along in a turtle-sized canoe with some heavy duty paddles for a change.

Trying to think of how to articulate my feelings about flowing is a tricky task.  I guess I'd have to say that it's really only been the past couple months out of my entire teenage era that I've made progress in the flowing department.  At university, I was definitely not going with the flow.  I was uptight and a basket case about pretty much anything - including a massive freaking fly that inhabited my dorm room.  I kept asking myself, This is everything you wanted...why can't you just enjoy it now, the ups and the downs?  My mind was telling me that the goods outweighed the bads but my heart was still beating a mile a minute.
I guess my head and my heart weren't on the same page.  My mom always says to me: go with your heart and your mind will follow; go with your mind and your heart will hurt.  Even though I had heard that so many times, it didn't click in until I found myself at university drowning against the current.

I was following my mind.  Although I was on the path that I believed was best for me, my heart knew something different.  The definitive turning point for me was looking in the mirror and realizing that while following the supposed path to success, I was turning into this person I didn't like.  I did not respect myself, like myself, or have any confidence.  Period.  So my final stroke against the flow was a big one.  I removed myself to start fresh.

Since that point, I haven't focused on going with the flow, rather on following what my gut believes to be the best path for me.  No comparison, or regret, or doubt.  Regaining a good life has brought me to such a better state of mind and body.  From there, my confidence has allowed me to try so many new things and all of these new experiences have boosted my confidence in return.

Long story short, going with the flow does not mean keeping up with status quo and managing what life throws at you.  It means finding your own groove and working towards being the best version of you.  It's a lot easier to handle the obstacles in your way when you are happy with where you are headed.

Love you and live good.

xo B

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